this just in - epic Luigi encounter: think 'Good Fellas' carpool mom style

I have a post that I keep bumping from the queue because of more pressing topics like college searches/decision, Easter invitations, and kitchen/Luigi updates.  The next post after I update you on the latest is titled 'said no wife ever' - the post is growing old, but no worries -the subject matter is timeless.  So if you find yourself tiring of my kitchen disaster, hang in there.

Or, you are new and want to review?  here or here or here or here or here or here where cops were really called, or here  or here or here or here (this is the post from Monday, so there you are all caught up). 

old news, but my view
 in my hoodless kitchen

On Monday I drove Curly to dancing and on my way home I stopped to pick up Reggie and his two buddies from a basketball clinic.  I always fear that I will forget the b-ball players because I drive to and from dancing so much, pulling off of route 83 interferes with my autopilot mode.  I have only forgotten once. 

Monday I remembered.  And I remembered that I keep meaning to pop into Luigi's store front - ya know to just say 'howdy' and maybe also mention the fact that he owes us money and he still has our brand new, still-in-the-box hood insert for our kitchen.

I drive (or fly by, as it is a busy street.  Me, speed?  You must have me confused with someone else) past his place often.  I sometimes glance to see if his car is there.  His car was NOT there Monday night, but I saw people sitting in the huge window of his storefront place.  I decided to stop. 

If I was feeling cute, I would come up
with a fun contractor joke:  how many
contractors does it take, etc? 
I got nothing though.

'Hey boys, I am just gonna pull in here really quick and see if Luigi the world's worst contractor (I think he might have claimed the #1 position ahead of our first horrid contractor.  Tough call as they are both crooks) is in his office.'  Three boys sporting BO nodded. 

Well, Luigi must have gotten a different car, because while his car wasn't there - he WAS.  Timing was perfect.  Well, it would have been more perfect if he had been sitting at the table with rolls of $1,000 bills out so I could have reimbursed myself and continued on my merry way. 

He was seated at the table with three individuals.  On the table:  architecture plans rolled out so they could all see what he was pointing at - my guess, these guys are building condos or something.  Luigi was surprised to see me. 

Luigi:  Hello.  What you want?  (thick Italian accent, think Good Fellas, I wasn't packing - only wishing I was)

Me:  Hello?  I want my hood!  And the money you owe me.  (me turning to wide eyed, blinking clients)  Whatever you do, don't give him any money!  He is a crook.  He will not show up to do the work.  There is an elderly couple in Oak Brook that is out $150,000 because he gutted their place and stopped showing up.  They live in a hotel and he TOOK THEIR MONEY!

Luigi:  You gave me the wrong specs!  (This is why I must take him to court.  What contractor tells the judge that they blame the customer for providing them with the wrong size of the hood insert?  I have all my emails where I sent him the correct invoice with the correct hood insert specs.  PLUS he had the code to my garage and could come in ANYTIME and measure the hole where said hood should in theory be, or he could look at the boxes holding the appliances that were parked in the dining room)

Me:  I did not give you the wrong specs!  #@$%!&@#

Luigi:  I spend so much. like $20,000 to make hood for you, it keep breaking.  (again with the nonsensical shit, why can't you make a hood?  why agree to make one if you can't?  I am not even being picky)

Me:  What contractor offers to make a hood, has customer pick from two hoods, and then says he cannot make hood AND REFUSES TO REIMBURSE THE CUSTOMER DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE DOESN'T DO THE WORK???!!!!  (turning to clients again)  GET OUT AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE.  YOU CAN THANK ME LATER!

Luigi:  I gonna call the police!

Me:  Go right ahead.  I will be happy to talk to the police.  (turning to clients who appeared to be having a blinking contest to see who could blink more in the span of our spat).  My lawyer doesn't even think I should bother suing him, because he is most likely uncollectable. 

A woman came out of her little receptionist office or whatever and offered to have me removed.  I looked at her and laughed, but didn't budge until I had said my piece.  Here I repeated a few things while I watched Luigi fumble around wishing he knew where his phone was so he could call the cops.

I had kids to drive home in my smelly car, so I looked at the blinkers once more - 'I hope you have not given him any money!'  And I left. 

NEVER.  FELT.  BETTER.  Well, having my kitchen done and not having to deal with this would feel better.  Because this is already longer than I intended, I will tell you more next time.  Poor little 'said no wife ever' post, bumped further out. 

Oh, the boys in the car - they could see me thru the window and they were pretty pumped up/impressed.  Turns out I am a bad ass carpool mom who can do more than just weave thru traffic in a 12 seat, white, looks-like-a-painters, far-from-a-sports-car van. 

BIGGEST REGRET:  That I didn't make Reggie come in and video the confrontation with my phone.  It was epic.  Just saying.