April 23, 2019

control freak, wanting to see Grease, needing payment, etc.

Weeks before Easter, maybe even a month, my sister Marie texted my brothers and I to see who would be in town for Easter.  So, that's what I have been reduced to?  Not counted as a sister, but as an out-of-the-loop brother?  Well, then.  I cannot say I am surprised.  I KNOW that my two older sisters talk daily or pretty close to that.  Honestly, I stopped trying to be included awhile ago.  I only now wish that I had stopped trying/caring even years prior.  There were stages to my demotion as a sister:

These are the portraits of my babies that I drew and
 used when I made their baptismal invites.
  Nothing like my talented sister, but I managed to
 get a bit of artistic ability.  No idea why Eddie's
portrait is so light.  I think I feared that if I darkened
 it I would mess it up.  I remember drawing Lad as
 he slept, because I struggled to do the eyes. 
This is my upstairs hallway.
As a kid, I desperately tried to be accepted by them.  The older one, Ann - who was 4.5 years older than me, has never liked me - found me too 'different' from her straight-laced, answer-the-phone-in-a-fake-voice, judge everyone, think-inside-the-box, never-draw-attention, wound-too-tight, CONTROL-FREAK self.  She was an artist and my attempts at copying her only infuriated her.  What happened to the highest form of flattery bull shit?  (I mean I was really young, like 9 or 10 and she was an awesome artist and if she painted something I tried to copy it, which I couldn't do successfully - so why the undies in a bunch?)

The sister 2.5 years older than me, Marie, well. . .  she found me funny.  She was bookish and an intellect and she could chuckle at my antics, but that was about it.

My parents contributed to my not being included in the sister thing by NEVER including me in sister things.  They lumped my tomboy ass with my brothers and acted like the few years that separated my sisters and I was more like a decade.  We had a local girl cousin born smack right in the middle of Ann and Marie, so the three of them had outings like roller skating and sleepovers.  I still vividly remember when they went to see Grease (I was about 7 or 8) and I was left home.  To cry.  Alone.

As a young mom:  Ann corrected me for doing mom stuff she didn't agree with:  'Ernie, don't do that.'  I babysat for her kids from time to time so that she could continue to work as a nurse a few times a month.  Each time she returned from a shift, she would ask me if I wanted her to pay me.  AWKWARD.  I put Coach thru physical therapy school.  I was staying home with my little guys (only Lad and Ed up to this point probably).  We were scraping to get by.  She was financially doing quite well.  Like, bordering on wealthy.  No joke.  I didn't want her to pay me, I NEEDED her to pay me.  But the asking, well that sucked.

Marie was out of state mostly.  We were able to converse on the phone and chat about things our kids were up to.  We more or less talked at each other.  She still gravitated towards Ann.

My parents shrugged off Ann's rudeness.  At a restaurant once when Mom and Ann and I went to lunch after a shopping outing (my mother in law was visiting and offered to babysit), Mom teased Ann when she reached for her purse.  'Oh, is lunch on you?'  I laughed, and Ann spat these words at me:  'You would like that, huh, Ernie?  You use me for my money.  I don't even know why you are planning to go to Pat's wedding (our brother was about to get married in Ireland) if you can't afford it.'  I manged to get to the bathroom before I became an emotional basket case.  Later, Mom made an excuse for her and admitted that she felt bad for how Ann treated me, but there was no changing the way Ann treated me.  And by the way - I was NOT using her for her money, any more than she was using me for my babysitting services.  Duh.  She would never have kept working if she didn't have a family member to watch her kids - her words.  Mind blowing, right?

I promise this sort of relates to Easter . . . .


Suzanne said...

I love those drawings of your kids! Beautiful!

Ernie said...

Well thanks. My sister, Ann, is an awesome artist. She just started painting again and opened an Etsy store. Such a great outlet for her - wish she had done it years ago. My dad wouldn't let her study art in college because he said he wouldn't pay all that money for her to draw pictures. It did work out, because I think her nursing profession is a great gig. (would have copied her on that 'cept I pass out at the sight of blood).

Cheryl said...

You did the drawings of your kids, right? You are an awesome artist yourself.

As far as sibling shit goes? Everyone has it. We would all love to live like the kids in Father Knows Best and Leave It To Beaver (those are all old shows from my VERY early childhood! lol)

I am the oldest sister of 3 girls and there are 4 boys 2 older and 2 younger than me. We girls are all 4 years apart and trust me those 2 younger ones gang up on me from time to time too...bitches!lol. When that happens, I just ignore them until they need something from me, advice, help, etc. It works, I stay sane and life goes on.

Don't sell yourself are very talented.

Kari said...

I'm sorry about the family issues. But like the person above me said, everyone has them. And I mean EVERYONE. :)
But it IS shitty to say the things she said. Sending you a hug.

Ernie said...

First off, thanks. I appreciate it. Wish I had taken classes at some point. Next, family dynamics are interesting. I hope and pray that my kids grow up treating each other right. I feel like we do a pretty good job as parents demanding that they communicate issues openly and act considerate towards one another. I am hyper sensitive to mean behavior and exclusive tendencies. Hoping history does not repeat.

Ernie said...

I do think many families have icky behavior/attitudes to deal with. Wish mine did not bother me so much. In the meantime, who are these people who post mushy birthday wishes on facebook to sisters who are really best of friends- really? Puke! 😂

StephLove said...

I'm sorry this is so painful. It can be hard to get over childhood family drama.

And you're not such a shabby artist yourself!

Ernie said...

Oh, how I wish I could get over it. I wonder if a giant screaming fest would get it all 'out there' and would solve things, for me. But, alas - we are Irish. We don't roll that way. We fake our seemingly great relationships.

All these compliments on my draw-baby-while-sleeping-to-avoid-the-challenging-eyes makes me think I should post pics of the mural I painted on the girls' wall a few years ago. Nothing like a little praise-fest, right? Pretty sure I already posted something about it a few years back. Might have to dig that up.