October 9, 2018

Give me a golf club, I dare you

I don’t golf.  When we were newly weds, Coach took me golfing with his family.  His dad remarked that I had a natural swing, and that I should give golf a try.  NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.  

My reason at the time:  ‘Oh yeah,  just what I need -one more opportunity for him (my father-in-law) to critique me.’  After 22 years of marriage, I have adjusted my reason.  No one should hand me a big stick within striking distance of my father-in-law and expect it to end well.  

Example B.  (B as in bastard). In late July, Coach arranged for he and his dad to golf with our three older sons before the start of school.  Lad ended up having a summer school final exam scheduled that same day, so he had to miss golf.  

Since the grandpa golf date was going to take place in the afternoon, Eddie decided to caddy that morning.  Not sleep late and lay around like so many teenagers in the world would opt to do - he chose to squeeze in a caddy opportunity.  Coach agreed that he would have plenty of time.  The round should have taken around 4 hours.  Freakishly it took over 6.  HOURS.  There wasn’t a thunder storm delay or anything.  

Ed was beside himself and actually wept a little when he finally got in Coach’s car.  He was so frustrated.  He hated that he had screwed up the golf with grandpa day.  From time-to-time in order to keep his father in the loop, Coach had texted him with info like:  'Ed is on hole 16 still'.  Coach asked Mr. Patience repeatedly to see if he could go back into the pro shop and push back their tee time.  

Coach told Ed that he was NOT going to call his dad again.  As they drove to the course to FINALLY meet his dad, Coach made Eddie call Grandpa.  ‘Sorry it was such a long round, Ed.  I cannot call my dad again.  You call him and tell him what time we are going to get there.’  (The golf meeting spot was an hour away, because grandpa lives practically in Wisconsin).  Eventually Coach, Ed, and Tank arrived and met Grandpa for golf.  

The following week, Lad contacted Grandpa and they set up a different time to golf together.  Lad was about to go back out east for school.  He forgot that he needed a physical.  Shock.  He reached out to grandpa and asked if they could push their tee time back because it conflicted with the only appointment time he could get with his doctor.  Grandpa texted back and said, ‘Well, since you never know how long a doctor appointment might take, I am going to just cancel the tee time.  I seem to recall having to change a tee time several times recently.’  

What?!  Like, WHAT THE HELL?!!!  Who does that?  The doctor Lad sees is the same family practitioner that I see.  I have never waited for more than 5 minutes to see him.  As anticipated, Lad’s doctor appointment took about 15 minutes.  Laddie would have had ample time to drive up north to golf with his grandpa.  

A little fun fact about Laddie:  he thrives on one-on-one time.  Thanks to parental hindsight, Coach and I feel terrible that Lad didn’t get the attention that he so desperately needed from us when he was younger.   

Lad with Coach and
Mr. Patience back in the day
on a golf course
before life became so
Coach felt horrible, but wouldn’t correct his father or give him a piece of his mind.  (Another fun fact:  Coach claims that I am the only person he has ever seen stand up to his dad).  Instead, Coach took Lad golfing.  They had a nice time, but Lad doesn’t see Coach’s parents very often.  He would have enjoyed sharing an afternoon with an unfamiliar audience.  

Not as much fun for a guy like Lad to golf with his dad, who knows how much hot water he can get himself into.  Compare that round of golf with one with a grandpa, who doesn’t know much about a particular grandson’s shortcomings, and you might just get lots more opportunities to shine without any built in Mulligans.

So with the help of Example A & B, you might be able to grasp how the latest email from my in-laws sent me over the edge.


Beth (A Moms Life) said...

Your in-laws are a real piece of work!

Ernie said...

Yeah, they are a real trip. Twenty two years of interesting times. To put it mildly!