humor card, repetitive maybe, but still the only option

My two older sisters both celebrated birthdays last week.  Their birthdays are 5 days apart.  I may have mentioned in the past that these two are BFFs  . . . to one another.  They communicate constantly and get together regularly without inviting me. 

My Mom knows when they are getting together without me.  She is often WITH them for their outings.  I have picked up on an annoying fake yawn that Mom subconsciously slips into conversation just when she casually mentions something they did without me. 

It took me awhile to get over being left out.  Well, I guess you can say I am still not 'over' it. 

My folks threw Ann a surprise party about 6 years ago when she earned an advanced nursing degree.  The plan was for Marie to come in town from Milwaukee and take her to a movie.  They would then show up at a restaurant after the movie thinking that they were going to dinner together.  Surprise!  We would all be at the restaurant. 

My older boys were invited to the party.  Laddie asked me, 'Wait a minute - isn't Ann going to think it is weird that you aren't going to the movie and dinner with them?'  I tried to explain:  'Nope.  They do this kind of thing all the time.  Ann would think it was weird if I DID show up to go to a movie and dinner with them.'

Of course it hurts when I am excluded from their outings.  What helps is remembering that I don't typically enjoy their company. 

My sisters don't make a move unless my Mom approves what they are contemplating.  Remember how my Mom was opposed to my monogrammed table?  Same link describes Ann stealing my favorite baby name.

My sisters don't think outside the box.  They are close minded and judgmental.  They tend to be on the same boring page.  They are the kind of women who talk one way when they are at home, but their tone changes dramatically when they chat on the phone with a friend, or encounter someone they know in public.  I call that 'fake'. 

I wonder what either of them would have
 done if I gave them a card
that said this on the front?

With me what you see is what you get.  I don't put on airs.  I speak up for myself.  I manage to form my own opinions.  I tell stories with emotion and drama.  Ann likes to roll her eyes when I get going, 'OK, stop it.  You're so weird.' 


My point?  I suspect that I gave the same birthday card to my sister two years in a row.  I can't remember which sister I gave it to last time.  I tried to guess at which one got it and then I wrote the other sister's name on the envelope this year.  I always go with the humorous cards for them.  None of that mushy, sentimental stuff.  It just doesn't apply. 

Second year in a row card:  'I couldn't ask for a better sister . . . . (open card), well, I could - but I think mom is too old now!  (Ha!  I love it).  The other sister got a card that read:  I almost got you a membership to a wine of the month club.  Then I realized one bottle of wine to last a whole month.  (Ha!)

funny texts, I'm here for you - puke!

Last year I gave them gift cards to the Cheesecake Factory - thinking they could go eat there together.  This year I went with gift cards to see a movie.  Together?  Probably.  I am just that thoughtful. 

Ironically they like to tell people how prideful they are that they come from a close knit family.  Sure.  If our family was any closer, I would strangle one of them with a loose knit scarf. 

Are you one of those people who gush about how tight you are with your sister on Facebook?  Or are you the third-wheel (definitely cooler), often left out sister?