June 12, 2018

'Not out yet.'

I had texted Lad before leaving Curly's field trip asking for an update.  The red minivan was still in the shop, so the morning had been a fiasco.

We had to wake up Lad, load the tots in car seats, and drop Ed and Tank at high school.  Then I dropped Lad at Coach’s work to grab the car from him, because no one had been awake at 5 am to drop Coach off at work.  One of us would have to come back to pick him up after he was done treating patients.  My last stop was dropping Theo at preschool.  All this to be sure that Lad had a car to take to the golf course to caddy.

I was asking for an update from Lad after I grabbed Theo from preschool, because I was anxious about the afternoon driving.  I explained to him multiple times that I hoped he would caddy early and be done in time for the car to be returned to our constant-driving-loop-rotation.  I pulled around the corner and saw that the kid car (the one with the recently replaced ENGINE) was sitting in the driveway.  Just after I put up the garage door, Lad returned my text inquiring how the caddy situation was shaping up. 

‘Not out yet.’  

Yeah.  As far as I can tell, a caddy can’t accomplish getting out, if said caddy doesn’t first ARRIVE AT THE GOLF COURSE. (BTW 'getting out' is caddy talk for being on the course with a loop vs waiting in the caddy shack hoping for a loop.  It doesn't apply to a kid who hasn't driven the AVAILABLE FRICKING CAR TO THE COURSE.)
This is what it SHOULD look
like when a caddy leaves the house
 -  I snapped this on a different day
when Lad was driving Reggie.
  Lad knew I was sneaking
up on him to take a pic,
which is why he is flexing.
Good times, all day long, folks.

Laddie was a tad surprised to see me.  He was standing in my kitchen.  Half asleep.  In his underwear.  I was dumbfounded.  What?  In the world?  Why hadn’t he gone to the course?  He had been out with his buddies the night before (as usual), so apparently sleep was a priority.  Working to make money, not so much.  This is a kid that used the 'emergency only' credit card we gave him at school to fund lots of groceries/nights out to the tune of $851 - in the month of May alone.  Yeah, you read that right.


Lad mumbled something about the caddy master (yes, that is a legitimate position at a golf course) texting him to come around 1:00.  IT WAS LIKE 12:35.  It is a 15 minute drive to the course and he was clearly not ready to leave the house. I asked to see the caddy master's text.  Suddenly the phone -that he had just used to text me the three magic words that set my blood to boiling ‘Not out yet’ -couldn’t be found.  

All of a sudden I realized that I would need to drop him off at the course, so that our only other functioning car wouldn’t be stranded over at the course with him all afternoon.  ‘Well, I am going to have to put these two kids back in car seats.  I will follow you to the high school and we will leave the car there for Eddie.  Then I will drop you at the course.’  

Since I didn't think to snap a pic of my confused son in his underwear in my kitchen (you're welcome), I am sharing an exciting picture of typical caddy gear.  Towel and hat.  I now have 5 caddies so there is lots of  caddy gear in my mudroom and multiple, rank, Kelly green polo shirts in my laundry room.  God forbid one of my newbie caddies touches an older brother's favorite caddy towel.  What I'm saying here:  I'm living the dream.
Lad wasn’t fond of this plan.  Too bad.  I shuffled around and got the kids back in the car.  This little rendez-vous would delay nap time.  The time of day when I get my shit done.  Grumble, grumble.  Mr. Not-out-yet started hemming and hawing about how I was making him late.  Me!?  Late?  What was he worried about all morning - clearly not about being LATE.  He couldn’t find his shoes.  Claimed he couldn’t find his phone, but I saw it in his back pocket.  He moaned about our stop at the high school to drop off a car.  

Once he hopped in my car after leaving the unlocked car with a key under the mat for Ed, he started griping.  Apparently the stop at the high school to drop a car off to a more responsible family member was slowing him down.  He might be late for the loop that the caddy master was planning to give him.  Seriously?  He swore twice in front of Theo and Carter. 

I may be the queen of cussing, but I manage to keep it clean around my young charges.  Believe me, I could think of several 4 letter words I wanted to toss out there in Laddie's general direction.  Instead I cranked the radio and tuned him out.

The drive to the course felt like eternity.  Much like what our summer will begin to feel like if this kind of shit keeps up.  (So far we haven't run into issues like last summer.  It is early yet.  Need a refresher?  Click here here and here,).

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