June 5, 2018


The release of the raccoon drama took place on Thursday morning.  Thursday night just before I went up to bed, I pulled the shades down in the kitchen.  Coach was in the family room.  I turned to him and gasped.  ‘Oh no!  There are raccoon babies running around on the deck!’  Coach’s mouth fell open.  ‘Just kidding!’ I teased.

Friday I wasn’t babysitting.  I was getting things done.  My hope was to sit on the deck in the sun for a few minutes.  I doubted I would last much longer than that since it was roasting out.  I knew I had to pick Laddie up at the golf course around 2:45, so I slid open the door to the deck around 1:30.  (click the sentence below to get the link to the you tube video.  Ah technology!)

I had no idea what this sound was!

I ducked.  It sounded like a flock of crows had landed on the roof.  I stuck my head back out.  The sound was coming from under the deck.


Mr. Raccoon was NOT a Mr. afterall.  Holy crap.  There were babies under the deck.  They were screaming in agony.  Oh NO!!!!  I texted Coach at work:  ‘This is not a joke.  There ARE baby raccoons under the deck.’  I texted the boys next.  Eddie texted back:  ‘You are going to Hell!’  Ed isn’t even one of my animal lovers.

I tried to coax them out.  I put some blackberries and a bowl full of milk and another of water near the opening to the underworld of the deck.  Nothing.  I poured some water between the wood slats in hopes of offering them relief from the heat.  Eventually I decided that they must have been so small that the only thing they wanted was to nurse.  

It made for an exciting afternoon.  I once again called the conservation place and left another message (they had called me back when I was dealing with the mother on Thursday morning- but I had already deposited her at the forest when they called).  This time when they called back, they admitted that they would charge $275 to get the babies out.  If we were able to get them out ourselves, they suggested that we bring them to the same place where we left the mother in hopes that she would find them.  

When Lad and Tank got home they got a broom and a tennis racquet.  We could walk around on the deck and track where the loud-mouthed babies had moved to.  They never took a break from the whining/squealing noises that were cutting thru my nerves like sharp raccoon teeth.  

Just before I had to leave to drive the girls to a private dancing lesson, one of them made an appearance at the opening.  Curly saw it and motioned us over.  We weren’t fast enough, and it crawled back into the abyss.  Eventually the boys, Coach (who got home just as I was leaving), and our friend, who hasn’t met an animal she didn’t care deeply for, managed to collect all four raccoons from under the deck.

(click the paragraph below and you will find a link - click the link and it will bring you to a you tube video of the raccoons being rescued by my boys and our friend).

Our friend had contacted a rescue.  The rescue thought dropping the babies off at the forest in a box was a bad idea.  They said if we could get them to the rescue, that they would care for them.  

Lad wore gloves and gently placed the tiny critters in waiting shoe-boxes.  With the lids taped shut, our friend drove them to the rescue.  The rescue thought they were about 5 weeks old.  Only one of the four had their eyes open.  

Throughout the rescue, I was calling and texting for updates from the girls’ dance studio.  I wanted to see pictures.  I was begging someone to take a picture for me.  Lad, my wise-ass, texted me this:  
Our raccoon puppet that is still in a bin in our basement.  I  may lose shit in our house from time to time, but who are we if we can't locate a raccoon puppet in the blink of an eye?
Prop used by Laddie.  My very own comedian.

Cute for sure.
Cute can be disguised as troublesome though.  I know, I have teenagers.
I do wish that I had a photo of Lad imitating mother raccoon noises and shoving the puppet near the deck.  I witnessed this odd scene moments before I left for dancing.  While I was gone, Tank was apparently playing mother raccoon noises over his Bluetooth speaker near the opening of the deck trying to lure them out.

They are cute, but I am quite glad they are gone.

Coach swears that he heard raccoon noises early the other morning.  I am hoping that he was mistaken.  For now, the raccoon saga ends here.

Don't worry.  Contractor from Hell stories will soon follow.


Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Your life would make a great sit-com!!!!

Gigi said...

Oh jeez, it never ends! Did you say there was a video? All I see are still shots. And what do mother raccoons sound like? I'd never thought of them making noise, but I guess they would.

Ernie said...

I can't believe that the videos didn't upload properly. They looked normal. Grrr. I will look at it and see if I can figure it out.

Ernie said...

I have been told this before. Honestly I feel like it is always something.

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

Oh my GOODNESS! What an adventure! Sounds like June has been CRAZY for you already!

Ernie said...

I had an ever crazier weekend this past weekend. More on that later. I am still going to try to figure out how to get the video to work. I was unaware of the sounds they make. It was quite something!