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April 24, 2018

What is that you are holding?

I took the 4 kids I sit for to the zoo today.  Finally spring.  It is APRIL 24TH after all.  It was a great day.

We came home in time for naps.  When Theo was done with quiet time, I sent him out to play on the swing set in my yard.  He is four and a half.  Curly joined him in the yard after her after school snack.  I was standing in the family room while on hold with a pharmacy.  A guy had just come out to fix the carpet in the family room.  

Carpet side story:  When the construction workers shoved our old fridge into the family room during the renovation, they managed to cause the padding under the carpet to buckle.  The contractor suggested that I call the carpet place directly.  Mind you - the construction crew messed it up, but I am now arranging to have it fixed.  Then I get to pay for it.  $125.  Weird, don't you think?  Because I have shelled out a fairly staggering amount of money for the kitchen to be renovated.  Oh, don't get me started.  Deep down I knew that if I waited for the renovation people to get a carpet guy out to fix the bubbled carpet pad, it would be months.  

Oh, and another thing.  A guy showed up at my house last week to look at this same carpet area.  There were drips of drywall paste all over the carpet in this corner.  The guy who showed up wanted to see my drywall drips.  Hmm, OK.  He explained to me that he hadn't been paid by my people because my people were upset that his guys messed up my carpet.  You follow?  

So, let me get this straight.  The crew doing my slow-ass-kitchen-addition and renovation are punishing another group for crappy workmanship?!  Hold the phone.  This made me grit my teeth a bit.  Maybe it is good that I now know that they like to play that game.  How about we withhold, oh - I don't know, like a few thousand dollars since 10 months later they still aren't done!  Breathe, breathe.

Pharmacy side story:  Sorry, I know.  I just need to know if I am the only one in this long distance pharmacy boat.  I am old school.  I prefer to drop off my prescriptions, or have them called in by my doctor's office, to my local, close-to-home pharmacy.  This new far-away-pharmacy-thing baffles me.  I have two boys on acne medicine.  I believe that it saves me money to have their prescriptions outsourced to these far-away-pharmacies.  It is just so DAMN CONFUSING!

Said pharmacies (the far-away variety) call me every month to verify my credit card info and to make sure that I still want the medications.  If I don't answer the phone, they leave a message.  If I don't remember to call them back right away, I lose track of what the Hell medicine from what the Hell pharmacy I need to get in touch with.  Today I had to call the dermatologist and ask where the Hell I was supposed to call to give out my credit card info for like the 50th time.  

Guess what?  That pharmacy had sent said prescription to a sister pharmacy.  Isn't it bad enough having far-away-pharmacies?  Now they have siblings?  Save me.  So, I got to wait on hold while they tried to figure out who had the prescription.  The sister or the brother?  You know that they call the pills different names to confuse me further.  'Generic for what?  Is that a creme or a pill?'  I wonder if there is a hidden camera thing happening.  Did Tank put you up to this because I took all of his clothes from his room?

ANYWAY:  Now that you are caught up, I am standing in my family room.  Phone to ear.  Carpet being ripped up behind me.  I am looking out into the yard where Theo is playing.  There are huge sliding doors.  I have a good view.  He has wandered from the swingset.  He is standing under a tree near the deck on the landscaping rocks.  

Theo picks something up.  At first I think it is an old sock.  Entirely possible.  Don't judge.  I watch him look at it a bit closer.  It flops over in his hand.  Then he drops it.  What the devil is that?  I slide open the door.  'Theo, what was that?' 
Upon closer examination,
we decided that it was a baby squirrel. 
Which of course made me want to scream,
'SQUIRREL'
 just like in the Christmas Vacation movie.
'I don't actually know.'  Emphasis on 'actually.'  He will never be chosen for sports teams in P.E. class.  

'Was it an animal?'  He still admits that he is unsure.  I summon Curly who is across the yard.  Reggie is stuffing his face with his after school snack not far from me.  'Reg, Go!  What was he just holding in his hand?'  Reg rushes out the door slipping into some shoes.  

Curly and Reg confirmed my fears.  It was some kind of dead animal.  Early reports said it was a chipmunk.  At my command, Reg ushered Theo inside to get his hands washed.  'Don't touch ANYTHING!'

So, this kid has sensory issues.  Hates getting his hands dirty.  Clearly he didn't grasp the magnitude of touching a dead animal.  I turned on the water and waited for the temperature that I desired.  Pretty stinking warm.  Theo reminded me that he didn't care for hot water.  'Did I ask you if you like hot water?'  This is when the pharmacy guy comes back to the line.  'Oh no, nevermind.  I was talking to a kid that just picked up a dead chipmunk in my yard.  So about that prescription?'


4 comments:

  1. Your life is very amusing to those of us who aren't "actually" trying to live it!!!! :)

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    1. I can't make this stuff up. I do feel like we could host a reality series, but I would swear so frequently that it would be full of bleeps and people wouldn't be able to follow the dialogue. And for Mr. Straight-laced 4 year old of the universe to be discovered caressing a dead squirrel in my yard was too much.

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  2. You have to pay to have the carpet repaired?? Oh hell no. I'd forward that invoice directly to the company responsible for messing up your carpet.

    A dead chipmunk ::shudder::

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    1. Believe me - I am going to demand that they deduct the $125 from my final bill. Coach texted the Gru guy (contractor) and told him that they shouldn't be re-building our deck when they failed to address the foundation issue. They promised to build up the dirt around the foundation, because the new crawl space had been getting water. So, guess what? They halted progress - stopped showing up again. And we were on a roll. They were here like three days last week and twice this week. (Can you hear the thumping - that's me banging my head on the wall).

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