June 25, 2017

5 reasons why I believe Lad has confused our home with a dorm

No one has ever accused me of being an outstanding housekeeper.  My sister has been known to show up to my house and roll her eyes at my home's appearance.  Her type-A-ness is debilitating, so not shocking.  

People often marvel at how I manage life with a big family.  I guess one reason I can hack it with lots of kids and their stuff underfoot is that I can tolerate lots of chaos.  There are rarely times when my counter-tops are clear of paperwork, when clean laundry isn't dumped somewhere waiting to be folded, and when an impressive amount of dust isn't building on untouched pieces of furniture.  Still, I roll thru my day.  I tackle necessary tasks as time permits, and fall asleep each night without stressing about the crumby kitchen floor and the toothpaste stained sink.  
If it wasn't a bathroom, I'd be tempted to install a camera to uncover
the mystery of which kid spits DIRECTLY at the mirror.  I don't even think this picture does it justice.  

I've been in other people's houses.  I know that not everyone lives as we do.  I also have standards.  OK, so my standards might be lower than most . . . but standards none the less.

Laddie just completed his freshman year of college.  He came home for the summer mid May.  I gave him several weeks to transition back to life as we expect it to be lived.  Unfortunately, I feel he has confused our home with his dorm.  I draw a line thru the dust, toothpaste, and clutter that we are accustomed to and I am begging him to STOP CROSSING THE DAMN LINE.

His infractions include:  

1.  STUFF ABANDONMENT:  When he arrived home he unloaded the car with his stuff.  It sat right where he dumped it (in the front hall of our house) for WEEKS.  

2.  HALF ASS EFFORT:  When I encouraged him to organize his stuff so it was easy to store in the basement storage room until it was time to go back to school, he moaned.  Then he found some time and managed to stick some things in the basement without my help.  Rah, rah!  Independence.  Love it. . . . until I realize that he literally dumped a few items in the basement storage area.  They weren't even in bins or bags.  Just dropped there.  

3.  FAILURE TO LAUNDER:  A few days later, when majority of his stuff was still scattered in the front hall, I demanded that he stop going out with his friends EVERY NIGHT so we could join forces to get his stuff packed up.  I asked him where his comforter was, so we (translation:  'I') could wash it.  This is when he informed me that he had already stored his filthy, gross (my descriptive words, that I use without even having looked at or smelled his comforter . . .  I would never smell his comforter, but the point is I KNOW it isn't clean after being on his dorm room bed for the entire year).  We are not on the same page:  shock.

4.  BONFIRE FAKE OUT:  One night after his summer school class, he asked if he could have a bonfire.  When?  I thought he wanted to plan it for the weekend, but no.  Now.  NOW?  It was 10:20 pm.  On a Wednesday.  We said no.  At midnight there were voices in the backyard.  I got out of bed and peeked out the bathroom window.  I could see flames in the portable fire pit that was pulled to the back of the yard.  Beams from flashlights bobbed in the yard.  It started to rain and the lights started to bounce over to the swing set.  Of course.  Lad had told them that they couldn't go in the house, since we didn't approve of them coming over.  They were trying to take cover under the fort platform of the swing set.  Seriously?!

5.  STICKY-ING THE KITCHEN FLOOR:  Honey - not a term of endearment, actual honey on the kitchen floor.  The floor that had JUST been washed.  The bucket of dirty water was still sitting in the corner of the kitchen.  That is how freshly washed the damn floor was.  I only use honey when I make honey mustard chicken.  Lad apparently has discovered that he enjoys honey on bread - at all hours, of course.  Fortunately I saw it before I stepped in it.  A huge dollop.  Even more grateful that my other offspring hadn't glided into the kitchen earlier than me and smeared it with their feet EVERYWHERE.  Because that would've happened, and they wouldn't have noticed.  This crew, not very detail oriented.

Oh, there's more, but I'm trying not to make this post unimaginably long.  His most insane mess-up will appear at the end of my list . . . unless he surprises me with some new material before then.  I cringe to think about that.  Check back, because believe me - you won't want to miss the grand finale.  I might need to devote an entire post to this one momentous event.  

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