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August 30, 2015

And . . . I raise flies

As a mother of six busy kids, I wear many hats.  My life is a juggling act.  I credit my ability to handle anything that comes my way with three things:  #1.  I've been gifted with a decent sense of humor.  #2.  Thanks to my creative side, I often think outside the box which comes in handy when problem solving.  #3.  I have a low tolerance for boredom.

The kids keep me on my toes, and I am always looking for new ways to best utilize my time.  I'd like to find a way to cash in on our daily active-kid-adventures because this clan seems to thrive on keeping things interesting.  Perhaps a book deal focusing on the impulse-control-lacking-constant-motion of our family is in our future. Friends have suggested I look into starring in a reality series.  Knowing I wouldn't have editing privileges and recognizing that there would be a multitude of 'bleeps' necessary to air our show, I've chosen not to pursue this angle.  Not to mention, I have very little interest in being associated with the likes of other image-damaging reality shows.

Recently I discovered a new hidden talent though.  It's unfortunate that this will not translate into a prospective work-from-home career option.  Believe it or not, I am able to multitask while I drive the kids around.  Don't worry, this doesn't involve texting and driving at the same time.  Nope.  It's so much simpler.  I can drive and hatch new flies from maggot larvae at the same time.  Yep.  I know you're jealous.  A fly farmer.  Guessing there isn't much of a call for that, but take my word for it - I would be successful at it.  I was darting around town the other day dropping kids off at dancing class and picking up Eddie from soccer practice when it happened.  He and I ran to the mall to accomplish a few things before we had to be back at dancing class.  We picked up a quick lunch for him and I purchased a few smoothies for the dancers as a special treat.

It wasn't noticeable at first.  A lone fly darted around inside the minivan.  I lowered my window at a stop light and shooed it out.  Over the course of the next few minutes several other flies entered the scene.  I was trying my darnedest to keep my attention on the road while Eddie and I swatted and swished at the flock of flies that were appearing left and right.  After awhile we realized this was no fluke.  Somewhere in the car there had to be a pile of wriggling maggots transforming into flies in rapid succession.  Trust me, I was not transporting a dead body.  While we didn't think to count them initially, our best attempts proved impossible.  If I had to guess, I would say our offensive friends numbered somewhere in the ballpark of 40-60.  We were outnumbered.  It was like a bad joke someone was playing on us.  Each time we rid ourselves of one pest, another appeared on the dashboard taunting us to react.  And react we did.

It dawned on me that there had been a bad mini van smell recently.  It had never been identified, but it seemed to have cleared up.  Naturally (literally).  Gross.  Gives a whole new meaning to 'stow and go' seating.    We did give the car a visual check a few weeks back when the smell surfaced, but we never located the cause.  I suspect that whatever mangy meat source helped produce the fly infestation, it must have fallen below into the cargo storage area set aside for conveniently stowing the seats when necessary.  I recognize that stow and go isn't meant to serve as a trash bin, but I'm not confident that the offspring grasp this.  Out of sight, out of mind?  Only temporarily.  

Eddie moaned uncontrollably.  He was able to swat at flies and point the blame finger at his younger siblings simultaneously.  "How could they be such pigs?" he wondered aloud.  I did my best to assure him that he was no where near exempt from leaving food, shoes, books, and a million other various messes in our car.  I don't clean out the car very often, because I feel my job is to drive it and collect my belongings when I exit the vehicle.  Why can't everyone else get on the same page?

Thankfully we weren't involved in a carpool on the way home from dancing that day.  That would have been the ultimate dose of embarrassment.  Besides, I don't think with all of those flies, I could have fit any additional passengers.

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